You had this incredible vision of your bridesmaids supporting you, each step of the way. They’re a united front, looking absolutely stunning in their Bella Bridesmaid dresses…
But the reality is, your phone is blowing up with bridesmaid drama. It’s a thing! And honestly, it’s the last thing you need.
If you’ve landed here because you’ve been dragged into the middle of an ugly squabble, don’t worry, we’ve got answers.
Here’s everything you need to know about handling bridesmaid conflicts without putting a damper on wedding day festivities.
What causes bridesmaid tension?
Personality clashes and differences in opinion are the main contributing factors that set bridesmaids at odds.
The best way to prevent bridesmaids from arguing is to be upfront about what’s expected at the onset.
It is important bridesmaids remember this isn’t about them, and when it comes to decision making, it’s the bride who makes the final call.
How can I resolve bridesmaid conflict?
Primarily, conflict arises due to a difference in perspective: Each person believes they’re right and the other person’s wrong.
Here are conflict resolution tactics that should work… and if they don’t, well, we’ll get into what to do further on.
Be Proactive
If you’re reading this as a means of being proactive—there’s no conflict yet and you want to keep it that way—the best way to minimize the likelihood of conflict is to set ground rules.
If the bridal party is full of big personalities, be clear about behavior expectations.
Try to involve everyone equally, and if you feel someone withdraw, check-in.
Appoint the maid of honor as the mediator, should any issues arise.
Encourage the bridesmaids to be upfront about what they can financially afford (this can be conveyed anonymously), and to share their concerns, if they have any, rather than let it simmer.
To be clear, this celebration is about the bride. It’s about gathering to support, celebrate, and honor her. Make sure that is first and foremost in everyone’s mind.
Define the issue
Often, most arguments are simply a miscommunication.
When trying to resolve a conflict, it’s important to be clear on what’s ruffling each parties’ feathers. Once that’s determined it’s much easier to resolve the issue and restore the peace.
Resolving minor conflicts
When conflicts arise, people have a tendency to feel threatened, which means any finger pointing or accusations are sure to set them off.
The key is to not put people on the defense, and conflict resolution 101 involves using “I” statements instead of “you.”
An example of this is, “I’d like to contribute more to planning,” instead of, “You always take over and dominate everything.”
If the conflict is minor, encourage the bridesmaids to work it out between themselves. You can remind them beforehand; this is about the bride—she’s the common denominator—the reason both are here.
Handling Big Blowouts
For big disagreements, sometimes a 3rd party mediator needs to be involved.
Try and spare the bride, and if she has to be involved, have her share her perspective about how this is affecting her, and what she’d like to see moving forward.
For big conflicts, it’s best to hash it out in person.
As the mediator, it’s important that you set ground rules. Clearly outline expectations, and what won’t be tolerated. This can include yelling, name calling, ugly accusations, and generally being unkind.
Remind both of the bigger picture. This is about the bride, not them.
Encourage both to share how the situation makes them feel, using “I” statements and refrain from launching missiles of blame and finger-pointing.
The goal of any conflict resolution is for each to understand the other’s perspective, and to establish a clear path forward towards a shared common goal—in this case, being awesome bridesmaids.
What happens if the bridesmaids still refuse to play nice?
If the bridesmaids refuse to try and resolve the issue or completely violate the ground rules and all hell breaks loose, it’s time to reassess the situation.
The bride can speak to each individually, being clear that this is not the time for each to unload on her about the other. Rather, this conversation will lay out the facts: if the bridesmaids don’t resolve the issue, their bridesmaid status may need to be reevaluated.
In the extreme case when all steps taken to resolve the conflict fail, it’s time to have the hard discussion about whether continuing as a bridesmaid serves the bigger picture.
Conclusion:
Most bridesmaid conflicts are simply miscommunications or good intentions gone awry. Each and every bridesmaid wants the bride to have the wedding of her dreams, however, bridesmaids may have a different vision about what those entail.
Compassion is key. Be mindful that stress, financial pressure, and emotions affect everyone differently.
If you help the bridesmaids maintain perspective and focus on the friendship they have with the bride, it’s much easier to navigate drama successfully.