Advice for Guests Attending a Funeral – Behaviour, Dress Code, and Flower-Giving Protocol
Attending a funeral is never easy. Whether you’re there to support a friend, pay respects to a colleague, or grieve the loss of a loved one, knowing how to conduct yourself appropriately can bring comfort and help create a respectful atmosphere for everyone involved.
Funeral customs can vary based on religion, culture, or personal preference, but there are some universal guidelines every guest should follow. This article offers practical advice on funeral etiquette, including behaviour expectations, what to wear, and how to navigate funeral flower giving—particularly relevant when attending services at respected venues like the Cemetery or working with local funeral directors.
1. Before the Funeral: What to Do First
Before attending a funeral, make sure to review the service details carefully. These are often provided in an obituary, memorial notice, or shared by the family or funeral director. Important points to confirm include:
- Time and location of the service (chapel, graveside, or private venue)
- Whether it is open to the public or a private ceremony
- Dress code, if specified (some families request certain colours or styles)
- Instructions regarding flowers, donations, or charitable causes in lieu of gifts
If you’re unsure about any details, it’s completely appropriate to reach out to the family, funeral home, or the organising funeral director for clarification.
2. Arriving at the Service
Arrive Early
Aim to arrive 10–15 minutes before the scheduled start time. Funerals typically begin promptly, and walking in late can be disruptive, especially if the service is held at a venue like Fremantle Cemetery, where seating and flow may be structured.
Silence Your Phone
Ensure your mobile phone is turned off or on silent before entering the venue. Taking calls, texting, or scrolling during a service is considered highly disrespectful.
Sign the Guestbook
Most funerals include a guestbook for attendees. Signing it is not just a formality—it becomes a lasting keepsake for the family, showing who came to honour their loved one.
3. Dress Code: What to Wear to a Funeral
While funeral attire has become more flexible over the years, it’s best to dress conservatively and respectfully. In most cases:
- Wear dark, muted colours such as black, navy, grey, or dark brown
- Avoid loud patterns or bright colours unless specifically requested
- Men: Collared shirt, slacks, and a blazer or suit
- Women: Modest dresses, slacks with a blouse, or a conservative skirt and top
- Children: Neat, subdued clothing
- Footwear: Polished and respectful (avoid sneakers or sandals unless outdoors)
If the family requests a “celebration of life” with casual dress or colours that reflect the deceased’s personality, it’s okay to follow that guideline. The key is always to avoid drawing attention to yourself.
4. Behaviour During the Service
Follow the Lead of the Family
Be mindful of the tone of the ceremony and follow the cues of the officiant and family members. Stand and sit when others do, participate in hymns or readings if invited, and remain quiet and respectful throughout.
Be Mindful of Religious or Cultural Customs
You may attend a funeral with practices different from your own. Whether it’s a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, or Aboriginal ceremony, observing quietly and respectfully is essential. If unsure what to do, simply follow the lead of others.
Photos and Social Media
Do not take photos or videos during the service unless explicitly asked to do so by the family. Avoid posting about the funeral on social media, especially in real-time. If you’d like to share a tribute later, wait until after the service and always ensure it aligns with the family’s wishes.
5. Giving Flowers: Funeral Flower Etiquette
Funeral flowers are a traditional and comforting gesture, symbolising love, remembrance, and support. When in doubt, it is almost always appropriate to send flowers—unless the family has requested donations in lieu.
When to Send Flowers
- Before the service: Deliver directly to the funeral home or venue (e.g. Fremantle Cemetery chapel)
- To the family home: A good option if you’re close to the family or if the service is private
- On anniversaries or later dates: Flowers can be sent to the gravesite as an ongoing tribute
What to Send
- Wreaths: Symbolise eternal life and are appropriate for formal services
- Casket sprays: Typically chosen by immediate family only
- Standing sprays or hearts: From extended family or close friends
- Bouquets and sympathy arrangements: Ideal for the home or smaller venues
- Native flowers or personalised tributes: Reflect Australian heritage or the personality of the deceased
Local Perth florist like Spearwood Florist have experience crafting respectful, high-quality funeral arrangements and coordinating deliveries to locations like Fremantle Cemetery. Their team can guide you in choosing appropriate flowers, wording for messages, and any cultural considerations.
“Funeral flowers are more than just decoration—they’re a final gift of love and remembrance,” says Nathalie from Spearwood Florist.
“We often advise guests to choose arrangements that are simple, elegant, and personal to the family or the person being honoured.”
For more guidance on selecting the most appropriate floral tribute, read the article on Funeral Flowers and Services at Fremantle Cemetery: A Guide to Casket Sprays, Wreaths, and Tribute Arrangements.
6. What to Say to the Family
Finding the right words can be difficult, but sincerity matters more than perfection.
Keep it Simple
Phrases like:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “He/she was a wonderful person.”
- “You and your family are in my thoughts.”
- “I’m here for you if you need anything.”
Avoid comments that try to explain the death or offer unsolicited advice—grief is deeply personal, and what families often need most is your presence and support.
7. After the Service
Graveside Behaviour
If attending a burial at Fremantle Cemetery, follow the lead of the officiant and wait to approach the grave until invited. You may be offered a flower to place on the coffin, a shovel of soil, or a moment of silence.
Wake or Reception
Many funerals are followed by a gathering or wake. If invited, your presence is appreciated. It’s an opportunity to share memories, support the grieving family, and reconnect with others.
If you are not attending the wake, consider following up with a sympathy card, flowers, or a supportive message in the days following.
8. Do’s and Don’ts Summary
Do:
- Arrive early and dress appropriately
- Offer condolences quietly and sincerely
- Follow ceremony customs respectfully
- Send flowers unless told otherwise
- Sign the guestbook and turn off your phone
Don’t:
- Be late or disruptive
- Take photos or post on social media during the service
- Wear bright, casual clothing unless requested
- Try to force conversation with grieving family members
- Use the funeral as a place for unrelated discussions or business
Final Thoughts
Funerals are moments of deep grief, but also of love, connection, and reflection. Attending with respect, sensitivity, and care allows you to offer genuine support and pay tribute to the life that was lived.
Whether it’s a quiet chapel service or a larger gathering, observing proper funeral etiquette helps create a comforting space for all attendees. From what you wear to the flowers you send, each choice sends a message—and when made thoughtfully, it becomes part of the healing process.